Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
