she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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