The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
