Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
