So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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