Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
smell my finger.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
