Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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