I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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