I smell stomach acid.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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