She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
