The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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