Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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