Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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