Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
