we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
