I am puke
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i now understand why vodka
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
