Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
