Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
