If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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