I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
