I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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