I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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