Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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