Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
