He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
