He called his prostate his "boner button".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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