Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
