i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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