Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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