summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
