it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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