im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize