I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
