Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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