Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
