we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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