Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
