I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
