I cut my penus on the lid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
