were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
wow bdsm is so cute
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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