i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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