Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
