Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
