im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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