There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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