Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
