I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So vagazzling was a success
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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