I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
