can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
