and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize