I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize