she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love you. Go after that dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize