He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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