I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
