You smell like stripper and shame
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
