I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love accidental penises.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
