Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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