I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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