i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
soo... how was my night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
