He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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