then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
