Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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