so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
