I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
