if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
