we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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