OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
