I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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