I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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