If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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