I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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